How to describe your ambition in two parts?












1














I want to explain my general ambition separately in two parts. Is the following sentence grammatically and literally correct? How about using "consist" as a verb for subject (ambition)? If it seems awkward, please suggest me a better sentence.



My ambition to make the world a better place to live was not restricted just to the environment, but rather consisted of participating in society to extend peace and friendship among people.






verbs expressions







share|improve this question



























    1














    I want to explain my general ambition separately in two parts. Is the following sentence grammatically and literally correct? How about using "consist" as a verb for subject (ambition)? If it seems awkward, please suggest me a better sentence.



    My ambition to make the world a better place to live was not restricted just to the environment, but rather consisted of participating in society to extend peace and friendship among people.






    verbs expressions







    share|improve this question

























      1












      1








      1







      I want to explain my general ambition separately in two parts. Is the following sentence grammatically and literally correct? How about using "consist" as a verb for subject (ambition)? If it seems awkward, please suggest me a better sentence.



      My ambition to make the world a better place to live was not restricted just to the environment, but rather consisted of participating in society to extend peace and friendship among people.






      verbs expressions







      share|improve this question













      I want to explain my general ambition separately in two parts. Is the following sentence grammatically and literally correct? How about using "consist" as a verb for subject (ambition)? If it seems awkward, please suggest me a better sentence.



      My ambition to make the world a better place to live was not restricted just to the environment, but rather consisted of participating in society to extend peace and friendship among people.






      verbs expressions




      verbs expressions






      share|improve this question













      share|improve this question











      share|improve this question




      share|improve this question










      asked 1 hour ago









      sasan taghadosi

      1167




      1167






















          2 Answers
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          Grammatically, your sentence is fine. It's light on content, though.




          My ambition to make the world a better place to live1 was not restricted just to just the environment, but rather consisted of participating in society to extend peace and friendship among people2.





          1. "To live" can be omitted to reduce the length of the sentence. "To live" is implied along with all other activities we do here on Earth. "To live" also sounds a little repetitive coming so soon after "to make." This is purely style, though, and the next reader may disagree with me.


          2. This sentence is understandable and grammatically correct but does not convey any meaningful message. It's essentially a long winded way of saying "I was nice to people." You should try being more specific about what you did.







          share|improve this answer





























            2














            Grammatically and in the use of "consist" it is correct. It is rather full of teenage optimism, but that is perhaps not a bad thing.



            I assume this is for some kind of "personal statement" or similar. It is rather meaningless: I mean, I assume everyone wants things to be better; how are you different? Nearly everyone "participates in society". How exactly do you "extend peace"? As it stands it looks like "padding".






            share|improve this answer





















            • you are right, I'm writing a SOP for a business school, but after this sentence, I wanted to explain how I would intend to do so. Now, due to your comment, I feel I'd better to be more specific and less teenagish. Thanks
              – sasan taghadosi
              40 mins ago











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            2 Answers
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            2 Answers
            2






            active

            oldest

            votes









            active

            oldest

            votes






            active

            oldest

            votes









            2














            Grammatically, your sentence is fine. It's light on content, though.




            My ambition to make the world a better place to live1 was not restricted just to just the environment, but rather consisted of participating in society to extend peace and friendship among people2.





            1. "To live" can be omitted to reduce the length of the sentence. "To live" is implied along with all other activities we do here on Earth. "To live" also sounds a little repetitive coming so soon after "to make." This is purely style, though, and the next reader may disagree with me.


            2. This sentence is understandable and grammatically correct but does not convey any meaningful message. It's essentially a long winded way of saying "I was nice to people." You should try being more specific about what you did.







            share|improve this answer


























              2














              Grammatically, your sentence is fine. It's light on content, though.




              My ambition to make the world a better place to live1 was not restricted just to just the environment, but rather consisted of participating in society to extend peace and friendship among people2.





              1. "To live" can be omitted to reduce the length of the sentence. "To live" is implied along with all other activities we do here on Earth. "To live" also sounds a little repetitive coming so soon after "to make." This is purely style, though, and the next reader may disagree with me.


              2. This sentence is understandable and grammatically correct but does not convey any meaningful message. It's essentially a long winded way of saying "I was nice to people." You should try being more specific about what you did.







              share|improve this answer
























                2












                2








                2






                Grammatically, your sentence is fine. It's light on content, though.




                My ambition to make the world a better place to live1 was not restricted just to just the environment, but rather consisted of participating in society to extend peace and friendship among people2.





                1. "To live" can be omitted to reduce the length of the sentence. "To live" is implied along with all other activities we do here on Earth. "To live" also sounds a little repetitive coming so soon after "to make." This is purely style, though, and the next reader may disagree with me.


                2. This sentence is understandable and grammatically correct but does not convey any meaningful message. It's essentially a long winded way of saying "I was nice to people." You should try being more specific about what you did.







                share|improve this answer












                Grammatically, your sentence is fine. It's light on content, though.




                My ambition to make the world a better place to live1 was not restricted just to just the environment, but rather consisted of participating in society to extend peace and friendship among people2.





                1. "To live" can be omitted to reduce the length of the sentence. "To live" is implied along with all other activities we do here on Earth. "To live" also sounds a little repetitive coming so soon after "to make." This is purely style, though, and the next reader may disagree with me.


                2. This sentence is understandable and grammatically correct but does not convey any meaningful message. It's essentially a long winded way of saying "I was nice to people." You should try being more specific about what you did.








                share|improve this answer












                share|improve this answer



                share|improve this answer










                answered 52 mins ago









                rpeinhardt

                5847




                5847

























                    2














                    Grammatically and in the use of "consist" it is correct. It is rather full of teenage optimism, but that is perhaps not a bad thing.



                    I assume this is for some kind of "personal statement" or similar. It is rather meaningless: I mean, I assume everyone wants things to be better; how are you different? Nearly everyone "participates in society". How exactly do you "extend peace"? As it stands it looks like "padding".






                    share|improve this answer





















                    • you are right, I'm writing a SOP for a business school, but after this sentence, I wanted to explain how I would intend to do so. Now, due to your comment, I feel I'd better to be more specific and less teenagish. Thanks
                      – sasan taghadosi
                      40 mins ago
















                    2














                    Grammatically and in the use of "consist" it is correct. It is rather full of teenage optimism, but that is perhaps not a bad thing.



                    I assume this is for some kind of "personal statement" or similar. It is rather meaningless: I mean, I assume everyone wants things to be better; how are you different? Nearly everyone "participates in society". How exactly do you "extend peace"? As it stands it looks like "padding".






                    share|improve this answer





















                    • you are right, I'm writing a SOP for a business school, but after this sentence, I wanted to explain how I would intend to do so. Now, due to your comment, I feel I'd better to be more specific and less teenagish. Thanks
                      – sasan taghadosi
                      40 mins ago














                    2












                    2








                    2






                    Grammatically and in the use of "consist" it is correct. It is rather full of teenage optimism, but that is perhaps not a bad thing.



                    I assume this is for some kind of "personal statement" or similar. It is rather meaningless: I mean, I assume everyone wants things to be better; how are you different? Nearly everyone "participates in society". How exactly do you "extend peace"? As it stands it looks like "padding".






                    share|improve this answer












                    Grammatically and in the use of "consist" it is correct. It is rather full of teenage optimism, but that is perhaps not a bad thing.



                    I assume this is for some kind of "personal statement" or similar. It is rather meaningless: I mean, I assume everyone wants things to be better; how are you different? Nearly everyone "participates in society". How exactly do you "extend peace"? As it stands it looks like "padding".







                    share|improve this answer












                    share|improve this answer



                    share|improve this answer










                    answered 1 hour ago









                    James K

                    33.9k13786




                    33.9k13786












                    • you are right, I'm writing a SOP for a business school, but after this sentence, I wanted to explain how I would intend to do so. Now, due to your comment, I feel I'd better to be more specific and less teenagish. Thanks
                      – sasan taghadosi
                      40 mins ago


















                    • you are right, I'm writing a SOP for a business school, but after this sentence, I wanted to explain how I would intend to do so. Now, due to your comment, I feel I'd better to be more specific and less teenagish. Thanks
                      – sasan taghadosi
                      40 mins ago
















                    you are right, I'm writing a SOP for a business school, but after this sentence, I wanted to explain how I would intend to do so. Now, due to your comment, I feel I'd better to be more specific and less teenagish. Thanks
                    – sasan taghadosi
                    40 mins ago




                    you are right, I'm writing a SOP for a business school, but after this sentence, I wanted to explain how I would intend to do so. Now, due to your comment, I feel I'd better to be more specific and less teenagish. Thanks
                    – sasan taghadosi
                    40 mins ago


















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